Elation and Frustration

I have been remiss in not updating sooner. My previous post is no longer valid. Sure a mother always faces disappointment that she must push through for her children, but in this case, my dream was not in vain.

At the end of May I get to experience the joy of being mother once again. I'm very excited and hope for health for my new little one. So far things are going well. :)

The frustration comes with the upheaval of my work. A fear is spreading that with change in ownership will come forced retirement. (A nice way of putting it.) With a new addition on the way, this is obviously a concern. I'm hoping things will work out in our favor, whichever way that may be.

I hope that we can make the best of what is to come.

Getting Past Disappointment

Today I faced the difficulty a mother faces in continuing on with life through the weight of great disappointment. This morning the final nail was driven into the coffin of a dream. After months of study and calculated effort I learned my last attempt to achieve this dream was a failure. And then I had to act happy for my children.

What made things more difficult was a radical change in schedule. Each time I gained control of my emotions another raindrop--in the form of disruption--fell.

I believe in signs and consider this to be a sign of my not being ready for my dream. I have another year to prepare myself to be worthy of this dream. As time goes on my chance of receiving it fades. I hope my resolve holds out and strength to continue keeps my despair at a distance.

I hoped to train myself to enjoy each day as it comes, but I fear only by looking forward can I make it to the next stage. My consolation is the holidays closing in. With them time will be fleeting and I must use each moment to gain the right to claim my dream.

That Wall

It’s difficult to fight against the wall that continues to keep you down, especially when you built that wall--albeit unwittingly. In time your body is physically weary. The mental beating manifests in visible wounds.
How, I ask you, do you train yourself to break through that wall; the wall of fear, of anxiety, of an utter disdain for the state of change? That wall advertizes security. It projects a false sense of hope and happiness. It promotes a feeling of complacency in order to protect itself from destruction.
The time has come to force my way through the wall. There shall be no gentleness in this action, no piece by piece disassembling. I must gather my courage, muster my determination, surround myself with faith, and blast through that wall and its stifling containment.
You are welcome to join me, or just to wish me luck. (I may need it.)